Creativity Week 3

Time to take another jab at all this creativity malarkey, I thought I would try and shed some light on what I consider my own unique creativity.

Truth is I’m not even sure what it is, I’m one of those people that are still desperately seeking it. I believe that my problem arises from my lack of self-confidence, so even if I do anything creative I tend to deny it and will continue to think of my work as a poor effort at best.

I never have been the most confident person, I find it difficult showing my work to other people and I find it hard to talk to people I don’t know. I constantly think of myself as screwed because in this industry I’m hindering myself by not showing my thoughts and being quiet. For some reason there is some sort of emotional blockade going on which stops me from voicing my opinion. I will often deny that I have anything to say which is often not the case, I want to voice my opinion, I want to tell you my ideas but I just haven’t figured out a way to do so. I am not a void of no emotion and no ideas.

So what the hell has this got to do with creativity, well I guess in a way everything, being creative and using different media to show my ideas is my way of telling everyone that there is something more to me, the thing if I can help it I wouldn’t show my work until it is completely perfect in my eyes not yours – which leads me onto my other creative problem.

Artists are their own worst critics and unfortunately this is all too true with me. Since I don’t think my work is good, I don’t think anyone else will, therefore I don’t show it. I always wait until last to show my work in group crits in art class and in 3D when going to lunch I always make sure that my Max work is not on display, just in case anyone would get a glimpse at it.

This lack of confidence in myself is a hinder to say the least, it is an automatic disadvantage, I never used to be like this, however I have never been around such creative peers before, so I do feel out of my league sometimes, but I guess that is the same with most in class.

My theory is it’s either sink or swim, I could be like a deer caught in headlights – to afraid to do anything or I could do something about it. Heck! I am trying but it never feels enough.

I often wonder if I have enough creativity to survive this industry, but at this rate I wonder if I’d even have the confidence to even get as far as getting into the industry.

Well this has by far got to the most emo post I think I’ve ever done, but I wanted to explain some things and get it out there I guess.

It least it has something to do with creativity…